Kate Space Didn’t Want to Be the Name and Face of Her Iconic Brand

Two stylish young women from the Midwest move to New York City after college. With neither connections — nor much cash — they launch a sleek and chic handbag line, simply called Kate Spade.

The line, created by Kate Spade (nee Brosnahan), her best friend, Elyce Arons and Kate’s husband Andy Spade, and Pamela Bell, became a ’90s phenomenon and Kate’s name and face became synonymous with the beloved brand. 

But as Arons, 61, reveals in her new memoir We Might Just Make It After All: My Best Friendship with Kate Spade, excerpted in this week’s PEOPLE, there was a public and private side to Spade, who died by suicide on June 5, 2018, at age 55.

Once they came up with the name for their company, Arons writes, “Her shyness made her cautious. ‘Don’t expect me to be Kate Spade,’ she said when we first agreed on the name. And many times after that.”

The pressures increased as the brand took off. After they created a fragrance in 2002, Spade went on national promotional tour. One evening, writes Arons, she called and revealed she was having a difficult time: “She said ‘I know it’s not your fault but I feel abandoned by you. You guys got me into this. You should be doing this tour with me.’”

Arons continues: “I did feel terrible that we had laid this weight on Katy’s shoulders. It was the first time she had said anything. At one point I thought, How hard can it be to chat and smile? I had no idea because I had never done it.”

“Maybe we didn’t realize how much of it was going to fall on her shoulders,” Arons tells PEOPLE. “We can all say we’ll be standing there with you — but they don’t want us. They wanted Katy.”

“When I look back at her schedule, I realize how much pressure there was for her,” she continues. “I don’t think I realized it at the time. We were all busy. But she not only had to do her job, but she had to look good. A different outfit every day. Her hair had to be done, She had to be ‘on’ and say something clever, more clever than she did yesterday. I don’t think I realized the amount of pressure at the time. I learned more as I wrote the book.” 

For more on Kate Spade and Elyce Arons, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here.

“She was highly sensitive and felt things more deeply than most,” Arons adds.

After they sold the company in 2006, the two women each spent time with their families but decided to launch another company, Frances Valentine, in 2016. They talked and laughed about growing old together.

In private, however, Spade was struggling with anxiety and depression. 

Seven years after her shocking death, the heartache remains. Says Arons, “I know so many people want to know why she did it and nobody will ever have the answer to that.”

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To sync with the book launch, Frances Valentine has designed a special edition Frances Valentine tote “with purpose and heart” to support Hope for Depression.

Arons hopes her memoir about their “best friendship” reminds people of how special the woman known for her innate style, charming bouffant and colorful vintage finds (that stood out against New York’s uniform of basic black) truly was. “I miss her every day,” she says.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.

We Might Just Make It After All: My Best Friendship with Kate Spade is one sale June 17 and is now available for preorder, wherever books are sold.