Jeff Hiller Found It ‘Cathartic’ Writing About Being Bullied as Gay Kid in the South (Exclusive)

If there were a degree for celebrity memoirs, Jeff Hiller would have earned it. Over the years, he’s been obsessively studying them. The 49-year-old actor and comedian can regurgitate facts about how Rue McClanahan had an affair with Robert Guillaume and rated him a “10,” or how Jennifer Grey kicked off her memoir discussing the hot topic of her nose. Because he’s read so many books, he’s keenly aware of the cliches and yarns about life pre-fame, and when to use them.

Now, months after the series finale of Somebody Somewhere, Hiller is ready to share his own version of a celebrity memoir with his collection of autobiographical essays, Actress of a Certain Age. In it, he relives his journey from being bullied as a gay kid in Texas to his stint as a social worker before landing his breakout role as Sam’s sweet “gay best friend” in Somebody Somewhere at the age of 44. Along the way, he recounts the Hollywood grind and the hilarious and charming stories that shaped his life and career.

In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, Hiller details the celebrity memoirs that inspired his book, finding compassion for his younger self and whether there’s a potential future for Somebody Somewhere.

PEOPLE: When did you decide you wanted to write a book?

JEFF HILLER: Well, I have always wanted to write a book, and I’m not really sure why even. But a lot of these things are from stand-up shows and one-person shows I’ve done. I wanted to make them into a [comedy] special, and my manager was like, “Maybe a book.” Anyway, I was like, “Good. I think it’d be a great book.” And then, out of the blue, after season one [of Somebody Somewhere] aired, I got approached by someone who said, “I think you might have a book in you.” And I was like, “You do?” So, I wrote a book.

PEOPLE: It was so fun to see each chapter named after different celebrity memoirs. What are your favorite celebrity memoirs that you’ve read? And do you also, what are your favorites?

HILLER: I love Rosie Perez. Her book is called Handbook For an Unpredictable Life. It’s really, really good. I loved, Hello, Molly [by] Molly Shannon. Listen, I was all in for Barbara [Streisand] and Cher. They were both great. When [Barbra] talks about meeting Lina Wertmüller [in her memoir] and you’re like, “Oh, we’re going to hear about this,” and all she says is the thing about the ravioli. And I was like, “Okay. She is the first female director ever nominated for an Oscar, but sure, let’s talk about a ravioli.” I listened to that one, and she was in my life, in my ears, for a month. It was just so long, but it was great. I did love that one.

PEOPLE: Is there one celebrity memoir that’s been most impactful for you?

HILLER: You know who has a really good one? I haven’t read her newest one about how Brooke Shields can’t age — I bet that’s good, too — but the one that she wrote about her mom is really good and has some good dish. I mean, I don’t know Brooke, but she seems like a really nice person. Have you ever, sometimes when you read them and you’re like, “Oh, I love this person,” and then you read their book and you’re like, “I don’t think I would like that person.” 

PEOPLE: Obviously, because you love celebrity memoirs so much, were there any specific ones you were trying to emulate and tone?

HILLER: Yeah, but it wasn’t really the ones of famous actresses. It was more like Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling and Rachel Dratch, actually, too. I [was] trying to tell my story but also be vulnerable and funny — and try to not go too far in either direction.

PEOPLE: You landed your breakout role at 44. How did that feel?

HILLER: It’s great, and I really doubted that it was going to happen. It’s not like I’m so famous or so rich. I still have a mortgage. I wasn’t just like, “Let’s pay it all!” For me, the big thing was I felt like, “Oh, I’ll never be able to show what I can do, what I can give.” And I totally understand that there are smaller roles, and you have to just find the little thing and make it pop or whatever. I get that, and I realized it would be exhausting if every character in the movie had an internal life, but I always wanted to play a character that had a little depth. I feel so grateful that I had that. Now, I’ve been going back out to do auditions and stuff after [Somebody Somewhere] is over, and it might be my one and done. There’s not a lot of roles with depth for a middle-aged, very obviously a homosexual with an asymmetrical face. It’s a hard sell.

PEOPLE: It was hard to believe that was your breakout role because you are a veteran actor. You’ve been doing this for a long time.

HILLER: The Patti LuPone map. By the way, I read her memoir. It was great.

PEOPLE: Days after the recent New Yorker interview Patti LuPone did, I read the part of your book where you called her “so nice.”

HILLER: Not going to age well.

PEOPLE: What made you not give up on your dream of being an actor and breaking out?

HILLER: I talked about it in the first chapter, but it’s like I told myself I was giving up on it. But my body wouldn’t let me. It took me so long to declare that I wanted to be an actor because I felt like it was almost embarrassing to be like, “I think I can do this.” I felt like people would look at me and be like, “Really?” It was “coming out” when I came out as an actor. And so, I think because it took so long to actually declare it, it was such a big hurdle to actually fight for it. I just couldn’t stop. I thought maybe I’ll play a waiter on this next sitcom — maybe I’ll get health insurance.

PEOPLE: Why was it important for you to open up about your food addiction? 

HILLER: I didn’t think of it, really. I’m just like, “Yeah, of course I have a food addiction. I mean, look at me. I go up and down. I go up and down.” I come from a family that has food addictions and almost all of my friends have them, too, so it doesn’t feel all that taboo. I just wanted to be honest about who I was. Also, I really did have a mid-life crisis where I was like, “I’ll get thin and then that’ll lead to jobs, beauty and happiness.” I really had that dumb thought. And so [I was like], “Let’s share it.”

PEOPLE: There are a string of butthole stories that end up in the book. Was it a conscious choice, or did you notice a pattern after writing the book and realize you needed to acknowledge it?

HILLER: I was like, “Wait! I have two stories about buttholes?” And then, I started writing about my social work experience, and I was like, “I have three stories about buttholes.” I was like, if I don’t point it out, people are going to be like, “You talk about butts a lot. What’s that about?” They did all happen.

PEOPLE: Your experience being bullied as a gay kid in the South, I think, will resonate with a lot of people. And while you added levity to much of the experience — and the book — it was harrowing to hear about these boys in showers allegedly trying to assault gay kids. What was it like writing that part?

HILLER: Well, it’s funny because I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. I wrote it and I was like, “This is traumatic.” But it was also a little bit cathartic because I’m in therapy [and] I was talking about writing it and being like, “It’s weird that it’s bringing up a little bit of pain.” And my therapist was like, “Yeah, it was a traumatic experience.” So, it was actually cathartic where I was like, “Yeah, it was actually bad.” I forgave myself a little bit by writing about that, and I have a lot of compassion for my younger self.

A lot of times, when you’re looking at pictures of yourself in sixth grade, there’s not a lot of compassion. It’s just a lot of, “What was that about?” But I do now. When I look at my little fat kid self with my perm from my mom that she gave me in the kitchen, I feel a lot of compassion for myself. In that sense, it was actually nice, but it was surprisingly difficult to write. I left out a couple of things that I thought were maybe a little too much.

PEOPLE: You featured your coming out speech that you had written when you were 22 in the book. Why was it important for you to include it, and what was it like re-reading that now?

HILLER: Oh God, it made me so sad. I don’t know why I included it. For me, it was so wild to see how differently I felt. Some of the worries and fears that I was trying to address…I was worried that people thought I would have AIDS. What the hell? That’s so dark. It was like a time capsule that showed what my mind was like at that scary time in my life.

And also, I found it and I was like, “It’s an artifact. I got to put it on there.” Because I went through and read a lot of my old journals, there were a lot of things where I was like, “Wow, I really remembered that incorrectly.” So, that was helpful, too, and that was part of it. It was like, “Wow, being gay in 1998 was surprisingly different than being gay in 2025.” And you know what? I’ll say it. I think it’s because Will and Grace. I think now, America’s like, “Oh, I know a gay guy, Will.”

PEOPLE: I think there will be a lot of people who can empathize with their experience or just see themselves in it. Through your podcast and this book, why has it been important for you to talk about the realities of being a working actor and not the biggest success story in Hollywood?

HILLER: To say the least, it feels good to talk about. It’s why support groups exist, but I also think beyond actors, so many of us had dreams for ourselves as young people. When you get to this middle-aged time, you have to mourn your dreams. You have to grieve the life that you thought you would have while also celebrating the life that you have. Being able to talk about that with other people…That’s why Somebody Somewhere was so powerful for me, too. It was this show about not giving up on yourself, about saying you can still grow. But I do think there is something about having hope, even when you’ve been kicked around by life a little bit. That’s why it’s important to say, “I’m valid,” even though “I’m not an Oscar winner.” 

PEOPLE: You opened up about there being limited types of roles for gay men to play. Which types of roles do you want to see and be cast in?

HILLER: I don’t need to play straight people. I mean, like a straight alien or something. I can’t imagine being like, “You have sex with this woman.” I think all actors just want to play varied roles. It’s not just like I want to see more roles for middle-aged gay guys. I want to see more varied roles for everyone. There’s been so many films and television shows centered around beautiful people. They’re young, white beautiful people in their twenties, and I respect them, and there’s good writing, [but] there’s other stories to be told, too.

PEOPLE: Specifically, which roles do you dream of playing? 

HILLER: Well, I’d love to play somebody complicated. Someone who’s maybe morally ambiguous. I mean, I did play a serial killer. That’s morally not ambiguous; it’s bad. Joel, I think, is really good. So I’d like to play one of those anti-heroes, and I’d also love to be in a capital “C” comedy because I’m funny.

PEOPLE: Have you spoken with Bridget and the Somebody Somewhere cast about a potential reunion, movie at some point or another season?

HILLER: I mean, we’ve dreamed about it, There was nobody that was like, “Oh, okay, onto the next.” It was so special for all of us, and we really do love each other. We had a FYC event [recently], and afterward, we were dancing. We were supposed to mingle for cocktails with Emmy voters, but they all left and we were dancing. So, I think everybody would be on board in a heartbeat if something happened. I mean, it’s all about money and networks and scripts and writing.

Actress of a Certain Age is out Tuesday, June 10.