Kailyn Lowry’s Son Elliott Was ‘Robbed’ of the Coming Out Experience Twice

Kailyn Lowry is continuing a special conversation with her oldest.

In part two of her conversation with her 15-year-old son Elliott on her podcast Barely Famous, the two talked about the teen’s difficult coming-out experience after photos of him and his prom date were leaked online. This took them back to how the coming out conversation between mother and son first came to be.

Elliott explained to his mom that telling other people was important to his process because “telling other people was leading up to telling you. You were the most important person to tell.”

“I feel like you were robbed out of coming out, if that’s what you wanted,” Lowry told her son, to which he noted, “Twice.”

“Your private life coming out was robbed from you, and then your public coming out was also robbed from you, in my opinion,” she replied.

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Elliott was in the 5th grade when he confided in a friend and didn’t get the response he’d hoped for.

“The first person I told was an ex-friend of mine, and he did not take it well. I told him and he went to our whole class and told everyone,” he shared.

Looking back at it now, I’m like, ‘Okay, this was coming.’ I could see it happening. But from that perspective of me as a fifth grader, it hurt me because I was… I built up the courage to tell [him] something and [he] took it and kind of ruined that for me, which is hard.”

Of the situation, Lowry said, “Now at 15, you understand that kids don’t understand the importance of that, and they don’t understand the courage [it took] for you to tell him. He doesn’t understand the fact that he put you in a really dangerous position. He doesn’t understand the capacity of what that meant for you to tell him right. And so do we give him grace.”

Elliott agreed, explaining, “For me to realize it at that time, it was hard to kind of find people that understand. I think that was the hardest part. I mean, I wasn’t fully out until 7th grade.”

After the incident, Elliott was still angry with his former friend and decided to express himself in a note.

“I wrote him a little letter — out of anger, actually, since we were talking about speaking on impulse — and my substitute teacher was reading the note as I was writing it. She pulled me to the side and was like, ‘Why are you writing this? Who are you writing this to?’ So it was a whole situation.”

The incident was referred to Elliott’s school guidance counselor, who called Lowry and Elliott’s dad, Jo Rivera, and explained what happened.

“That’s how my mom found out,” he said.

Lowry explained that Jo was the one to pick Elliott up from school and explain the situation to her, which was difficult for the mom, who wasn’t upset about the note but did struggle with not physically being there with Elliott in that moment.

“I also already knew you’re gay. I didn’t give a f—. I was just like, ‘How dare him,’ obviously. I was upset that a kid did that to you, but obviously, I’m like, ‘He was in fifth grade. [They don’t] understand the weight of what they’re doing.”

The situation transpired the last week of school, which made not only the end of fifth grade difficult, but also sixth grade.

“That was the worst year for me,” Elliott said, noting, “After that, I did not have any real friends the following year.”

“But at the same time, I didn’t really know myself,” the teen reflected. “So it was hard to fit in with a group of people, so I think that also ties in with it.”

While it was a difficult time to go through, Elliott sees what he’s learned about himself in the years since.

“I’ve definitely been more confident. It’s a learning experience. Even though it’s not how I would have wanted it to go, it also helps me grow and learn about myself. And I’m more aware of who I am and who I prefer to be around and what I’m comfortable with and who I identify as and who I am as a person. It’s shown character, and it builds character.”